1992

I thought I'd compile a best of 2015.  I think these things come in handy in future years.  And I must remember to be grateful, because despite the horrific lows of this year, there have been some super awesome highs.

Best Moment:

Dancing and singing Parklife on stage with Blur.  That was just... the best.  I don't remember any high that has been quite as good as that high.  I sang the chorus with my arms around Damon and Graham.  I think.  I still can't watch the video.  The high lasted actual weeks.




The whole Blur tour was a mindblowingly happy time.  I blew off Uni for a week.  We drove to Sydney.  We were excited from the freedom, jubilated from the re-ignited friendship, I personally felt like I was getting in touch with my authentic self, after a couple of years of stuffing myself into a box that I don't feel like I actually fit into.  If only life was one long road trip.  Oh, the energy, the sleep deprivation!  And then I couldn't let it end, so I flew to Perth to do it all again.

Best Album:

This has to be the new Libertines album, "Anthems for Doomed Youths".  I have listened to it maybe 800 times.  I love putting it on full blast in the car, and singing harmonies with Pete and Carl.  It *sounds* like a Libertines album, but with deliciously modern recording sensibilities.  Moreover, the themes within are reminiscent of a time long past of rambling afternoon tea sessions with beautiful people, late night wanderings through the city, infatuations with rock bands... 

Our youth has been lost, yet the memories linger, and invoked in a celebration of perfect English pop. 

So a massive thank you to The Libertines.  Thank you for reforming.  I just hope that Pete can get his visa sorted, so that we can see you in your whole-ness later in the year.

I also loved the new Blur album, "The Magic Whip".  It's very very good, go Graham for such awesome production values.  I still don't particularly like Morrissey's new thing, "World Peace is None of your Business", despite the epic title, and seeing him play four awesome shows at the Sydney Opera House.  I can't shake the feeling that he needed to focus more on his lyrics, and less on his terrible writings.

Best Media:

This year seems to have been the year that dialogue changed around women and film.

The film that stood out was Mad Max: Fury Road.  It was fucking fantastic.  I loved everything.  The dialogue was natural and unstilted, the set design was immaculate, the representation of characters was flawless.

There were a number of TV shows which provided compulsive viewing.  The once I ended up watching in as close to single sessions as my time would allow were: Jessica Jones, Master of None, and (it took a while!) Please Like Me.  It seems that I like the theme of the underdog, those that experience the world a little differently, diversion away from the dominant culture.  Man, episode seven on Master of None had my wriggling with joy.

I also just want to say yay! to the female protagonists of the last 12 months.  Yay for Rey!

Best People:

This year has been a time of reformations, of reconciliation, of re-tempering the ego back into the box in which it belongs.  I suspect that every law student goes through a certain process in law school.  It's like a sweat shop for people with massively insecurities.  I admit that I am no exception.  Anyhow.

I had the most humble, most sincere, apology from M, and reconstruction of a friendship that I feel like can now withhold the test of life.  I am so impressed by the almost-overnight development of becoming an compassionate, caring, awesome human being.  I love you and I want us to be friends forever.

And then there is Jax.  What can I say... I blame the patriarchy for the disintegration of our friendship in the past.  I internalised that feeling of inferiority that I felt around you, and it made me feel like shit.  I've recently been told that my feminism is a burden; I refuse to take this on as true.  A wonderful side effect of experiences of inferiority has been understanding that none of this is the effect of who I am.  Rather it is all my experience within a structure that will never accept me in my individual state.  I shouldn't hate you, just because you're the beneficiary of a system that accepts you more.  I also understand that your experience of the system is, in some ways, vastly worse than my own.  I am so so sorry for the hurt I imparted on you, and I am delighted that we have re-ignited our friendship.

There are other friends that I have made and consolidated this year.  I celebrate all of you.

Best Achievement:

Well, I could list a bunch of things, from the prizes I picked up at law school, to the 15/23 HD's so far achieved... but that's kind of boring and just speaks to my ability to suck up to lecturers and predict what is going to be on exams.

Nah my happiest achievement has been to get the dialogue around feminism going at law school.  It has been the source of much discussion and debate.  It has forced my growth (see above), and has been helpful to me as an individual, especially in taking the pressure off my own insecurities and inadequacies.  While it is helpful to understand that the system is just not designed to accommodate my personal style of oddness, I find it incredibly frustrating that I am unable to pick out the incongruences, and adjust my behaviour to allow for greater acceptance.  So it is a work in progress.  In the meantime, I facilitated the opportunity for a more understanding within especially the female students at my school to be able to see themselves within the greater picture of patriarchy.  Some feedback tells me that the style of dialogue was the best experience that certain students have experienced within the school.  I am incredibly proud of being able to have given that experience to my colleagues.

Furthermore to this, the louder discussion of feminism enabled me to realise more things about myself.  I was told repeatedly that I experience and interact with the world as a non-white person.  I had no idea that this was going on!  I thought my natural inclination for understanding that every person takes a different perspective on the world because of their lived experiences as an individual, diverting from the dominant culture in which ever way that they do, was intuitive!  It seems that people belonging to the dominant culture (read: white men) think that every person's experience and interaction with the world is similar.  I actually can't understand their perspective.  It's strange, two different types of people living in the same society, one that instinctively carries the burden of empathy, and the other that just takes everything for granted.

Resolutions:

Now I don't want to get too deep into this.  But there are a number of rules that I want to make, that I might actually stick to.

I want to overcome that horrific fear of rejection, the crushing panic and anxiety that comes with rejection, and just apply for lots of jobs.  I know that the chances of me actually securing a decent entry law job are zero to none, but I have got an exceptional transcript, I'm motivated, I am a good person with a reasonable reputation.  I must continue to give myself every opportunity for my legal career to actually leave the runway.  I will not sabotage myself with negative talk and shitty overreactions to shitty rejections.

I also want to reestablish my stance against negative body talk in my presence.  Just don't shame yourself in front of me, okay?  We all know that overall fitness, regular exercise, good frequent positive mental health dialogue, and a positive happy attitude to the world, contributes far more to physical attractiveness then whether you're a size 6 or a size 18.  And it's fucking selfish.  You might hate your body, but I don't hate my body.  Negative body talk breeds more negative body talk, it's infectious, I just don't fucking WANT TO HEAR IT, okay?

*deep breath*

Okay.

Finally, my last resolution is: I will not being taken advantage of again.  Or I will vastly reduce the number of times that I am taken advantage of.  Or I will notice when people are taking the piss, and reduce it's impact.  Or I'll just take the path of least resistance, as usual.  No seriously, I need to put my foot down harder.  I will not allow a filthy hippy to live on my floor for $100/week (inc bills), whilst complaining it would be cheaper to live in a proper share house, undermining my academic achievements, and using all my bog roll.  I will not do entire group assignments, and allow other people to take credit for my work.  I WILL NOT be the dumping ground for other people's emotional bullshit baggage, ignoring my own needs, being generally shat upon, over and over and over again.

Lets add one more resolution.

I will be braver this year.

I think that's important.

Okay, so that took a really long time to write, and with some kind of luck, I'll be able to get on with my thesis now.

Shannon out.