Bang

Last night I was asked to prove the patriarchy

So, instead of writing the paper that I need to write, I dug in.

Here is my (somewhat edited) response

We started by trying to come to some agreement as to what the patriarchy is. In a long winded way, I explained that it is about the right question to the right answer. My personal definition of the patriarchy lies in describing what it is, ie: is it oppressive; and does it serve a patriarchal purpose.  We talked about the consistency of formal definitions, why I reject the Oxford dictionary, how my personality type can accept the fluidity and changeability of language, where others may not be able to.

I then went on to write this:

So, I have some anecdotes about my experiences of the systems of oppression.  Anecdotes are still just anecdotes, and do not do justice to how systems of oppression actually work. But anyways.

Last week there was a negotiation comp at uni. Ego aside, I'll come out now and say that we should have won.  We had the credentials and experience.  As a nurse, I've been involved in some very high end negotiations with some very high clients. This is something that nurses get thoroughly trained at, through the hellfires of the wards. We're very good at talking people around, if you've ever visited an ED or a psychiatric ward you would have seen us in action (NB: thanks to the person that recently reminded me of these particular skills). I entered the comp with another mature aged student, with 15 years of middle school teaching under her belt. That's 15 years of negotiating with teenaged boys and their wealthy parents to partner in the learning experience.

We didn't even make the final. We got knocked out of the competition by these young men who weren't really negotiating. They were being standover men. As in they actually stood over us and talked down to us. The judges, other law students, praised this masculine strategy as 'clever tactics'. What is more, I used assertiveness to try and make them negotiate at eye level. I said: 'do you mind taking a seat, your standing over us is making me uncomfortable'; they refused, instead both stood and puffed out their chests. Marks were deducted for my attempted assertiveness. In other words, masculine aggressiveness was rewarded, and feminine assertiveness punished. Even worse, my partner gave a nervous laugh (giggle?) each time one of the men stood up; this passive feminine behaviour was praised. The competition was a classic example of the re-enforcement of a system that rewards men, and oppresses women, or in other words, the patriarchy.  Therefore, if there had been correction for bias, both overt and unconscious, yes, we should have won.

So this was then followed by my involvement in helping the school run the biggest national moot competition in Australia. Which brought on a whole other range of negative emotions. Back in first year, a friend and I won the biggest internal moot that the school has seen. We beat 23 other teams. Now, as I've mentioned, I'm in my mid 30s, and I'm not exactly ... pretty. Because frankly I don't particularly give a fuck about pretty. The woman I did this comp with, well she is definitely pretty. She was also 21, and the dynamic between us was somewhat similar to that of a mentor–mentee; I helped her with contract law and other subjects.  She is a lovely woman, and while I still have trust issues, I adore her. An international comp came up straight after we won the internal. She was asked to participate, and I was ignored. The boys that chose the students for the opportunity, also students, were young men in their mid 20s. I asked repeatedly for an explanation why; all I was told was that it was discretionary, 'you are perceived as uncoachable', and that was about it. Again, the school was utilising a system that rewards conformity, especially to the feminine norm, and therefore oppressive to anyone who happens to sit outside of that norm.  Yes, I'm still somewhat angry about it, because lost opportunities never reemerge.

Anyway, so this national competition that my school hosts. As a final year student, who has taken out half the prizes at the school, I thought I should have been first to be asked to be a student judge. Yes, I'm non-conformist, I challenge authority, and I ask 'wrong' and often embarrassing questions. But I know the law, I know how to throw other students off their stride, and I made myself very available. The lecturer, instead, asked the students who had been doing their degrees with less brilliance, having completed less subjects, to step in. Over the last 3 years, I've seen penultimate year mature aged students help judge this comp. It has a real outcome on me though. I don't get to hobnob with the other (professional) judges as a student judge, nor get the line on my resume.

The thing about experiencing oppression is it is the accumulation of hundreds of little things, that amount to long term disillusionment. I can only empathise with those suffering the affects of cross-generational institutionalised poverty, because oppression is an awful experience that lingers and lingers...  So I can whinge about not being afforded the same opportunities as my colleagues, but it seems petty, even in light of having a super impressive transcript. I mean. It is literally hundreds of things. Every rejection from job interview starts to feel oppressive. Even tiny things, like being demoted from leader of a 'cello section for someone younger and prettier, feels oppressive. It happened when I was in high school (section leader given to a very pretty younger girl, who ended up being a soap actress). It is constant and painful. Even with my analytical mind, most of the time I can't come up with a reasonable ulterior motive to decisions affecting my life, made by others, that feels oppressive.

Seriously, I've spent a lot of time trying to conform. To be more feminine, work harder and longer. But I've reached a point where I accept my place in the current system, because i'll never have the same opportunities as (white) men, or conforming women.

This is why I am a feminist. What else can I do, except try and change the system?

Shannon out.